Wednesday, 13 April 2011


I'm in such a down mood today, i don't think i've mentioned before but i suffer from depression and anxiety,i was off work for a few months with it last year. This year i was determined to not let it hold me back, i got back to work, started excercising and picked up my crafting again, and it worked, for a while.
It's back though (i hate saying that because it never really went) but it feels like i'm back in that place, i can't sleep, i'm barely eating, i'm always exhausted (obviously) and i can't bring myself to face work.
I text my boyfriend to say sorry for being like this and i've let us down, he text back saying, that he knows i'll get through it and will be with me forever and support me but he can't commit to me until i commit to work, i literally feel like my heart is breaking, we've talked about getting engaged, he's even bought the ring and now to find out i've messed it all up...i'm just gutted.
I know i should be focusing on myself and not some ring and day but i felt like the only good thing i had was our relationship, and the only thing i've been good at for a while was being his girlfriend.
To find that i've messed that up too, kills me.
I love him so much, and hate myself for putting him under this stress.

I just don't know what to do anymore, where to turn or to who. I literally feel lost in my own life.

I'm sorry to ramble and moan and complain but i literally don't have anything else that can get my feelings out like this.

Struggling Kimberley



  1. I too suffer from depression, and it is one of the most misunderstood & stigmatised illnesses - if people cannot see you are ill they do not understand it. When an episode comes on the only thing that helps me is complete rest, and the complete understanding of my family. The feelings you have are completely normal and natural - do not feel guilty! With sympathetic friends and family the feelings associated with depression can be considerably eased.

  2. Sorry you are having such a horrible time.Try not to blame yourself if things don't work with your boyfriend - you haven't done anything to feel guilty about. I hope he is understanding and sticks by you. Give yourself some time to rest xx

  3. So sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time Kimberley.

    What you really need to focus on right now is yourself. Lots of rest and allowing yourself time to not feel pressured into getting back on top of things within a timeframe.

    You haven't messed things up or let anyone down - you are suffering from a debilitating illness and need to have people around that understand that. Taking away the pressure of expectations of others may help you more than anything to leave you free to just think about yourself.

    ((HUGS)) Look after yourself and make sure you eat well and rest plenty - you are doing no-one any favours by putting additional external pressures on yourself.

    Good luck & don't be too hard on yourself - you have done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel guilty.

    Ali x

  4. Most people cringe at this, but both my boyfriend and I suffer from depression/anxiety/stress, and we've both found that rest is the last thing we need. I think it allows the mind to dwell on what is making us feel crap, and thus not allowing us to focus on the how to feel better. If I feel a bout of depression coming on I have to completely change my routine. Do things completely out of the norm for myself and force myself to do things I just plain and simply can't be bothered to do.

    I don't know if that is right for you, but what I'm trying to say is, there will be something out there for you. Whether its rest, being alone, being with family, with friends, doing something, doing nothing - just give it a little time. One day you will learn to recognise the signs and will learn to curb away from the dips that the illness brings.

    Just have some faith in yourself, no matter how small, and know that there is for all intents and purposes a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I'm sure there are plenty of us here that will give support! Maybe you outlet will be your blog! After all, we artists are tortured souls lol.